As I sit here parked on the side of the road I ponder. How do i be still? How in the midst of so much unknown and change to come can I be still? I don't think your talking about my my body, and maybe not even my mind. Is it some state of being? … Continue reading Be still and know that I am God… But how?
Well it's been a while since I wrote anything on here. But I thought it's time to start again. Time maybe to start sharing my unedited wondering in hope that it might somehow encourage or provoke hope in your own journey. That somehow you might know your not alone. This seems to quite a key … Continue reading Beginning again…
This evening I sit here in the mall watching, listening, Listening as passersby share a moment in life. Life is heard in constant drone of conversation above the background music. So many voices Voices telling stories, while stories are also being lived out Right here, right now This very moment is being lived together yet … Continue reading
A friend said to me today to "look for the God moments". This is a God moment. DARE I say a sacrid moment. The moment I drove away from work for the last time. 11 years of faithfully working, giving above and beyond what was required because of the love for people. The moment felt … Continue reading A sacrid moment
I slip, I stumble, I fall, but you love me still. Why? I don't get it. I walk into the same hole again and again yet you still lovingly lift me out. I don't get it. I stomp my foot in protest and wrestle disgusted with my humanity; but you lovingly embrace me. I don't … Continue reading Loved unconditionally
I got asked today to write something with hope in. Hopes unseen. It's like this thing you know is there and always is there but you can't always see it or feel it. But it is always there. It's like the air. There's moments where it's moving and your fully aware of it and other … Continue reading Is hope a verb? An action?
Where are you? You were suppose to be here by now But all there is is this empty space We were suppose to plan together Dream hope cry together We were suppose to thrive on life together But your not here There's nothing but an empty side of the bed Did I miss you Did … Continue reading You were suppose to be here by now…
Singleness has been quietly waiting and watching lately. Waiting for a time to spring on me. It's usually on the quieter days it gives a little poke and prod just to remind me it's there. When the weekend hits and I think again... What, where will I go and who with??? Of course I find … Continue reading A download of what’s poking and prodding me.
Some day are hard days Days like today Days that are overcast and grey Days which seem to drag on Some days you just need to escape and have a cry Those days you don't need to explain to anyone why Some days it seems all the hurt compiles On these days even you find … Continue reading Grey days
Through the storm you are there But the waves don't decrease The emotions rise pounding But you just hold tight Your not phased by my emotions You weep with me You throw rocks in dispear with me You sit in silence when there is no words to discribe what's going on inside You don't run … Continue reading Through the storm with Jesus
One day I shall look back and say look what he was doing and what he brought me through. But that's not today. for now it's one foot in front of the other as that is as far as I can see. It's cloudy murky nothings clear accept two inches in front of me. That's … Continue reading
When my heart aches, you are there When all the cards are down, you are there When I'm drenched from shedding too many tears, you are there You are there Although you silent, I know you are there I know you still care That you holding me close When the pain is too great And … Continue reading Tough time Psalm
God I don't mean to complain But who will I go home to? Who will listen and hold me tight? There won't be any one in that space tonight No one beside me No one to say I know No one to say it's ok We will do it together. I don't know why God but … Continue reading Singleness wave
Oh what I'd do for a hug right now To have arms hold me tight To wipe the tears and tell me they are there But lockdown stops me Not even a pat on the back You'll be OK Just empty space And one giant huge ache! Yeap lockdown and lack of support in person … Continue reading Lockdown… Isolated… Want to be held tight
The conversation started years ago but it gained momentum about 3 years ago. My counsellor at the time had introduced me to the concept of disenfranchised grief. Or maybe it was I'd unknowingly introduced her and myself to disenfranchised grief of singleness; to the voice of singleness. A voice which even I hadn't heard that … Continue reading Keep talking singles…
Sometime God I wish you could reach down and have real arms to wrap around me and hold me. That your voice would be audible like chatting to friend. That I could see touch feel you. But I can't. I know your there God but it really aches and right now I could do with … Continue reading Hard day – waiting for the emotion to move on by
Out of your own brokenness and need, your own vulnerability, opens doors for others. This post is dedicated to my lockdown ladies and my Celebrate Recovery ladies and all those that have sat and shared with me, you have been a real gift to me. I've never seen this quite so clearly how vulnerability opens … Continue reading
My heart crys out to you Lord. Where can I find rest for my soul tonight. I'm weary and weak. Tossed and tumbled confused by the voices unsure whats a truth to believe and what's a lie. I can't find a way to define the truth it's so mixed up in this light. Search my … Continue reading Psalm in the midst of a storm
As I gaze upon your creation you speak. You speak words of wisdom. Words of loveWords of comfort, insight. Words of hope. Words that resound louder than turmoil about me. Words louder than the storms within me. Louder, stronger, and more powerful, Yet gentle, calming, Reassuring to the soul. Reviving, refreshing to the spirit. Words that bring … Continue reading You speak…
I don't know about anyone else but my head has many many many conversations happening. Conscious and not. We have this unspoken conversation of what is meant. I often plan out conversations in my head which is not bad in itself but the problem is we can't actually know what another's response will be. We … Continue reading Biggest conversations I have are those in my head… And half are never actually needed
Unedited Wonderings 