This evening I sit here in the mall watching, listening,  Listening as passersby share a moment in life.  Life is heard in constant drone of conversation above the background music. So many voices Voices telling stories, while stories are also being lived out Right here, right now  This very moment is being lived together yet … Continue reading

I thought you mightve been here by nowYou might have been waiting for meBut we haven't crossed pathsYou may not even be out thereI've accepted thatWell most days I haveNot every momentThere's still times I miss youTimes when I wonder whyTimes when it's quiet and lonelyAnd the darkness and silence seems to swallow meThe empty … Continue reading

A sacrid moment

A friend said to me today to "look for the God moments". This is a God moment. DARE I say a sacrid moment. The moment I drove away from work for the last time. 11 years of faithfully working, giving above and beyond what was required because of the love for people. The moment felt … Continue reading A sacrid moment

Loved unconditionally

I slip, I stumble, I fall, but you love me still. Why? I don't get it. I walk into the same hole again and again yet you still lovingly lift me out. I don't get it. I stomp my foot in protest and wrestle disgusted with my humanity; but you lovingly embrace me. I don't … Continue reading Loved unconditionally

Childless grief

I've been starting this post a number of times. Trying to pretty it up. Soften the blahness, and cover up the ache inside, not let anyone in to see it. All in fear that by sharing it, it might be disregarded or twisted and somehow used against me. It's mother's day tomorrow... And boy is … Continue reading Childless grief

A moment of thanks…

Sitting watching the world go by I smile. I know you are near the divine resides close to me and generously blesses me day in and out. Many so often overlooked, taken for granted in my priveledged life. I know that you are near because of the smile as I am order my drink and … Continue reading A moment of thanks…

Is hope a verb? An action?

I got asked today to write something with hope in. Hopes unseen. It's like this thing you know is there and always is there but you can't always see it or feel it. But it is always there. It's like the air. There's moments where it's moving and your fully aware of it and other … Continue reading Is hope a verb? An action?

You were suppose to be here by now…

Where are you? You were suppose to be here by now But all there is is this empty space We were suppose to plan together Dream hope cry together We were suppose to thrive on life together But your not here There's nothing but an empty side of the bed Did I miss you Did … Continue reading You were suppose to be here by now…

A download of what’s poking and prodding me.

Singleness has been quietly waiting and watching lately. Waiting for a time to spring on me. It's usually on the quieter days it gives a little poke and prod just to remind me it's there. When the weekend hits and I think again... What, where will I go and who with??? Of course I find … Continue reading A download of what’s poking and prodding me.

Grey days

Some day are hard days Days like today Days that are overcast and grey Days which seem to drag on Some days you just need to escape and have a cry Those days you don't need to explain to anyone why Some days it seems all the hurt compiles On these days even you find … Continue reading Grey days

Through the storm with Jesus

Through the storm you are there But the waves don't decrease The emotions rise pounding But you just hold tight Your not phased by my emotions You weep with me You throw rocks in dispear with me You sit in silence when there is no words to discribe what's going on inside You don't run … Continue reading Through the storm with Jesus

One day I shall look back and say look what he was doing and what he brought me through. But that's not today. for now it's one foot in front of the other as that is as far as I can see. It's cloudy murky nothings clear accept two inches in front of me. That's … Continue reading

Tough time Psalm

When my heart aches, you are there When all the cards are down, you are there When I'm drenched from shedding too many tears, you are there You are there Although you silent, I know you are there I know you still care That you holding me close When the pain is too great And … Continue reading Tough time Psalm

You hear me God

In the silence God I hear you. Your gentle breath The tinkling of droplet, a tear, falling to the floor. You are here. Close to me. Holding and surrounding me. Yet giving me space to breath Your silence isn't lonely It's a comfort A knowing and seeing An expression of love Being understood Got that … Continue reading You hear me God

Singleness wave

God I don't mean to complain  But who will I go home to? Who will listen and hold me tight?  There won't be any one in that space tonight No one beside me No one to say I know  No one to say it's ok We will do it together. I don't know why God but … Continue reading Singleness wave

For all you puppy lovers…

Can you see the puppy jumping out of the cloud? Yep I'm missing Benni, Max, and Frankie.... The dogs that have won my heart lately. Here it is if you can't see it. Yep long day and I really need some puppy love. Owners give ya pets some love from me! And send me some … Continue reading For all you puppy lovers…

Lockdown… Isolated… Want to be held tight

Oh what I'd do for a hug right now To have arms hold me tight To wipe the tears and tell me they are there But lockdown stops me Not even a pat on the back You'll be OK Just empty space And one giant huge ache! Yeap lockdown and lack of support in person … Continue reading Lockdown… Isolated… Want to be held tight

Silence of the night

Night times can be a time time of vulnerability for me. It's the time when my singleness can play tricks in my head. It's a time when I can feel alone. Even after a good day filled with fun and laughter this feeling can arise. It's something that comes and goes often at unexpected times. … Continue reading Silence of the night

Keep talking singles…

The conversation started years ago but it gained momentum about 3 years ago. My counsellor at the time had introduced me to the concept of disenfranchised grief. Or maybe it was I'd unknowingly introduced her and myself to disenfranchised grief of singleness; to the voice of singleness. A voice which even I hadn't heard that … Continue reading Keep talking singles…

Hard day – waiting for the emotion to move on by

Sometime God I wish you could reach down and have real arms to wrap around me and hold me. That your voice would be audible like chatting to friend. That I could see touch feel you. But I can't. I know your there God but it really aches and right now I could do with … Continue reading Hard day – waiting for the emotion to move on by